you know your a golf moron if…

I’m a huge golf fan. A true golf moron if you will – in a positive sense. I love the sport and everything about it. I’m not any good, but I love spending 4 or more hours outdoors enjoying God’s creation. I love watching it on TV and in person. Thanks to a generous church member, I had the joy of spending the last couple of days at the FedEx Kinko’s Classic and I’ve decided I enjoyed the people watching as much as I enjoyed the professional golf.  I don’t what happens to people, but as soon as they are at a tournament, they say and do the dumbest funniest things. Here’s my advice to the novice golf fan that should ever get the joy and privilege to attend a professional golf tournament:

  • Don’t call golfers by their first name.  When you’re at a golf tournament, please don’t call the pros by their first name. First of all, you don’t know them, and second – they can’t hear you anyway. And if you do, please, please, please don’t add the “y” at the end. I’m almost positive that Nick Price does not like to be called Nicky – as in “Good shot Nicky!” Or, Scott Hoch – “Scotty.”  All that is needed is a simple clap or a “Nice shot.” Otherwise, you sound like a moron.
  • Know a little about the game before you go. When a guy has a 210yd shot from the rough into a 20mph wind, over the water, has to carry the bunker and leaves a 20ft uphill putt for an eagle and you say, “Wow. That came up short.” – that makes you a moron. You couldn’t drop 100 balls from the same spot and hit as good a shot. Again, just a simple clap or a “Great shot” is all that is called for.
  • For the autograph seeker. When seeking an autograph please don’t argue with the golfer. When you hand him a Titleist golf ball to sign and tell him that it’s his, he pitched it to you in the gallery a little earlier in the round, and he refuses to sign it cause it’s not the Bridgestone ball he actually plays, please don’t make a stink about it. He knows which ball he plays and it’s not the one you dug out of a creek somewhere else on the course and washed off. Again, that makes you a moron.

At a minimum master these. You’ll thank me for it later.


2 responses

  1. I would also like to add one:

    if you actually get to go to an event rather than watch one on television, then don’t be the guy who forgets to turn off his cell phone. invariably, it WILL go off when your favorite golfer is in his backswing and you WILL get stared down by said golfer. it’s hard to get his autograph when he thinks you are the reason he went from first place to being tied for 9th.

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